>>So, when he starts thinking about wanting a family, the obvious way of fulfilling this wish is for him to believe himself to be in love with Katie/Keller. <<
Yes, this whole concept makes a lot of sense. And it fits to the kind of analytical mind a scientist like Rodney has. And you're right, everything seems to be okay and allright and it fits - "in theory", so to speak, but as soon as he starts to act and puts the theory in practice, so to speak, he gets odd results which do not quite match the expected ones. *G*
Sooner or later he'll possibly start to question *why* things don't add up as expected and then he'll perhaps start to question his coding, the labels he has put on things, but he's not quite there yet. Not enough things have gone wrong yet to spur him into doing that. I could imagine that it'll actually need a year or two of marriage and/or the pressure of having to look after a child to make any questioning even possible.
I could also imagine that, at some point in the future, the first "code" he's going to question might be John's because John lets slip more and more of his feelings through and at some time Rodney is bound to notice that and putting it in context to his own feelings regarding John.
I can't help but suspect a little that - at the moment - Rodney wouldn't even be really *willing* to question his way of coding John, to acknowledge that John could mean more than a "best friend", not even if someone else brought up the idea, for two reasons:
a) if he did so, it would get in the way of his dreamed-of family-concept (and he's apparently not done with this yet), it would put him into a place where he would have to decide between things he wants without being ready to give up one of them
and
b) loving John is risky.
And I don't mean in the "what will others think, what will happen to John's career"-way of risky but emotionally risky. Losing John because he dies is a distinct possibility, given his profession, the situation they live in and John's character.
Losing John *now* - with John being his best friend - would be hard and hurt enough. But losing John after acknowledging to himself that he loves John in the romantic meaning, perhaps even after they actually *do* start a lover's relationship, *this* could be devastating and the sheer "not-quite-acknowledged-but-there-in-a-gut-feeling-kind-of-way"-fear of it could prevent Rodney from even *thinking* in this direction. Dangerous territory, keep out and watch your thoughts.
So, at the moment he seems to be better off with his coding firmly in place and not even going near the idea of possibly questioning any of it. (Yeah, probably an unconscious illusion *g*)
The question is, how long is this going to work? *G*
no subject
>>So, when he starts thinking about wanting a family, the obvious way of fulfilling this wish is for him to believe himself to be in love with Katie/Keller. <<
Yes, this whole concept makes a lot of sense. And it fits to the kind of analytical mind a scientist like Rodney has. And you're right, everything seems to be okay and allright and it fits - "in theory", so to speak, but as soon as he starts to act and puts the theory in practice, so to speak, he gets odd results which do not quite match the expected ones. *G*
Sooner or later he'll possibly start to question *why* things don't add up as expected and then he'll perhaps start to question his coding, the labels he has put on things, but he's not quite there yet. Not enough things have gone wrong yet to spur him into doing that. I could imagine that it'll actually need a year or two of marriage and/or the pressure of having to look after a child to make any questioning even possible.
I could also imagine that, at some point in the future, the first "code" he's going to question might be John's because John lets slip more and more of his feelings through and at some time Rodney is bound to notice that and putting it in context to his own feelings regarding John.
I can't help but suspect a little that - at the moment - Rodney wouldn't even be really *willing* to question his way of coding John, to acknowledge that John could mean more than a "best friend", not even if someone else brought up the idea, for two reasons:
a) if he did so, it would get in the way of his dreamed-of family-concept (and he's apparently not done with this yet), it would put him into a place where he would have to decide between things he wants without being ready to give up one of them
and
b) loving John is risky.
And I don't mean in the "what will others think, what will happen to John's career"-way of risky but emotionally risky. Losing John because he dies is a distinct possibility, given his profession, the situation they live in and John's character.
Losing John *now* - with John being his best friend - would be hard and hurt enough. But losing John after acknowledging to himself that he loves John in the romantic meaning, perhaps even after they actually *do* start a lover's relationship, *this* could be devastating and the sheer "not-quite-acknowledged-but-there-in-a-gut-feeling-kind-of-way"-fear of it could prevent Rodney from even *thinking* in this direction. Dangerous territory, keep out and watch your thoughts.
So, at the moment he seems to be better off with his coding firmly in place and not even going near the idea of possibly questioning any of it. (Yeah, probably an unconscious illusion *g*)
The question is, how long is this going to work? *G*