SGA - How to lose me from reading your story in less than 30 seconds ...

[patk]

Have Teyla address John as "Sheppard" and Rodney as "McKay" right there on the first page and I'm *out*. That's simply not her voice. It's either "John" or "Major/Colonel Sheppard" and "Rodney" or "Dr. McKay" - depending if she's talking to them in person or referring to them when talking to a third party.

And if an author doesn't manage to make her sound right on *this* small thing - when this is what you can hear/learn by simply watching the episodes and paying attention to how she speaks - then I really don't trust this author with the rest of the characterization, being it Teyla's or anybody else's. (And *this* is the minimum of what a beta-reader should actually catch. It's not only about typos, really, really not.)

It's perfectly possible that I'm misjudging the story based on this alone, but when I find this kind of flaw right at the start I just assume that the rest of the story also suffers from more flaws in characterization.

It's too bad, it was a long story and I actually looked forward to try it but after having stumbled over this right in the first minute of reading - just no.

Comments

[helenkacan]

Why do I feel we may have been reading the same story? [I don't really think so, as Teyla called John "John" but her use of "McKay" made her appear to be perpetually angry at Rodney.]

Oh, I so agree. Another OOC speech trait for her would be the use of contractions.

I've noticed some other strange speech patterns in stories where, even though they're in an intimate relationship, and even during sex, John and particularly Rodney use their partner's surname. Uh ... NO.

But, then again, some writers choose a beta not caring about language proficiency (because they're at the same uneducated level), just as some betas are personal friends and won't offer criticism that might be considered hurtful. The story suffers (as do we).

Otherwise ... quick like a bunny, go find a better story!

[gaffsie]

Ugh, I hate that. Same goes for stories where John inexplicably thinks of Ronon as "Dex".

[gaffsie]

Actually, Teyla does use contractions sometimes! I can't really point to any exact such moments right now, but it's definitely been known to happen.

[kate]

It's later on - season 4 or 5. I remember people complaining about it and then noticing that she suddenly started to use them on the show.

[helenkacan]

Oh, I know it's happened, but I blame inconsistent show-writing, as our introduction to Teyla demonstrated her more formal style of speech.

[gaffsie]

Whatever reason it was introduced, it's still canon. *shrugs* Really not fair to judge fannish writers on something where they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

And you could always fanwank it as Teyla picking up on the Atlanteans way of speaking. It's no different than the trope of Ronon picking up slang from the marines, and I've never seen anyone bitching about that.

[patk]

Hey, if "your" author called John "John" she got it at least half right.

Yes "McKay" without putting the "Doctor" in front of it rings either angry/annoyed (John does this) or ... just like Ronon. *ggg*

Using your partners surname (or rank/title) during sex - hmm, depends on what kind of kinky scene it is. ;-) But if one actually uses the surname of one's partner during sex then it's usually something hard and fast in an alley behind a seedy bar between people who are not in romantic relationship, I would guess.

Re: the choice of a beta - yes, I always wondered why bother with a beta at all, if you don't want somebody who is actually able to point out flaws/mistakes for the sake of the story. Granted, I see how opinions can differ on characterization issues, but things that are clearly visible/audible in the episodes, that should be easy to fix.

And I'm still hopping around in search of a better story. Any recs? *ggg*

[patk]

That was actually something that I wondered about when watching SGA. John calls Rodney "McKay" at times (for various reasons) and I would have actually *expected* that John would have used Ronon's surname in a similar matter in canon. But we never heard that. He's always calling him Ronon, I can't actually remember that he used "Dex" (aside from introducing him as "Ronon Dex"). Makes me wonder why.

[patk]

The whole matter of language is an issue with Stargate. Everybody understands each other, no matter where they from. Must be the gate or something in the water. ;-)

Hey, somebody should come up with a story that explains how and why the one or other contraction slipped into Teyla's speech in the later seasons.

Who messed with the translation programm of the gate? Who played with program of the translation nanites? *ggg*

[gaffsie]

One of his dead buddies from Afghanistan was called "Dex". Maybe that's why.

[helenkacan]

Well, as for story recs, I'm working my way through the ginormous Giant McShep AU List. Most of the authors have respectable writing skills and know how to extract essential McShep characteristics and inject them into other settings and professions. And I love seeing what professions they've chosen. Imagination is NOT lacking here. OTOH, the stories are primarily about McShep with other characters flitting about as accessories. So you'd need to want to assess and satisfy that craving.

[helenkacan]

Besides what gaffsie said above, I blame TPTB for a huge mess concerning characters' names. And such laziness. As if they couldn't see the problem of repeating names: first-name Dex from Afghanistan; first-name Mitch from Afghanistan (which reminds us of Cam Mitchell from SG-1).

Let's add forgetfulness or lack of continuity about the introduction in S1x01 of Teyla Emmagan, "daughter of Tagan" who reveals in S5x01 that she's named her son after her father, Torren. Mind you, a lot of fans created their own back story that Athosian names appear to be matrilineal (which is eminently practical IMO) so that Tagan was Teyla's mother's name.

And, finally, let's not forget how negligent TPTB were in not giving some characters a last name. Poor Chuck. Either Sergeant or just Chuck. It's no wonder we started thinking of his character's name as being identical to his real name. And I may be recalling where someone accidentally called the nameless gate tech "Chuck" while filming so they had to at least keep it instead of reshooting. ::rolls eyes at all the inefficiency and lack of respect:: It's one thing to not name hordes of Wraith extras, but not people who are on screen on a semi-regular basis. Which reminds me, what was Dr. Simpson's first name? I'm sure there are others (but I'm too tired to think right now).