SGA - and again: grammar beta needed

As I did a week ago, I'm again looking for someone who's willing to take a look at a short (max 500 words) English translation of a SGA-ficlet to point out errors in grammar, vocabulary, wording, tense etc. I'm currently doing the translation and after it's finished (probably tomorrow) I need to know if the text makes sense or if it sounds like babelfish (again).

Actually, I not only need that help for the upcoming one but for five more to come, so it's likely you'll see five more of these "help needed" entries in the near future. Just so you're all forewarned and don't start wondering when the heck this will end.

So far reen212000 already stepped into the breach twice and chayiana also helped me out once. I *so* owe them for that.